Avox in Arcadia (perpetual) wrote,
Avox in Arcadia
perpetual

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It's educational entertainment! It's...edutainment!

The BtVS episode that comes after "Angel" is usually known as "That Atrocious Ultra-Dated Episode That Comes After Angel". But that's unfair! Maybe it was just ahead of its time! Maybe we really could have learned something from Willow's experience about the dangers of cyber-dating! That was so edgy!

Clearly there was a missed opportunity here for this episode to be extended into a full-length hacker movie, so I've taken the liberty of writing the script for one. If anyone wants to produce it as a feature film, send me an "electronic mail" and we'll discuss rights.

Title: First Try Plugging It In
Author: Kairos
Wordcount: 567
Disclaimer: Oh, COME ON.
Dedication: All my thanks and gratitude to this Penny Arcade strip, Captain Crunch toy whistles, and All Your Base.


INT. SCHOOL LIBRARY - NIGHT

WILLOW sits at the computer while BUFFY, XANDER, and GILES stand around her, leaning in, oozing TENSION. Willow is TYPING FURIOUSLY.

WILLOW
He’s corrupted our bytes!

BUFFY
No! Without those bytes, our program of web files is mega-crashed!

XANDER
Can you stop him, Will?

GILES
(stepping back to examine a book)
I think I have the solution -

WILLOW
(typing furiously)
I’ll show you the data, Moloch! I have bytes you don’t even know about.

BUFFY
Secret bytes?

XANDER
Go Willow!

GILES
It’s a simple banishing spell -

WILLOW
Shh! I’m jacked in!

GILES
It’s right here in this book.

XANDER
(to Willow)
Can you web a hard drive on his cybernet tech?

WILLOW
Yes.


INT. BANK - DAY

XANDER is talking to a TELLER.

TELLER
I’m sorry. It says that all of your funds have been withdrawn.

XANDER
But I had thirty dollars! I’ve been saving since I was ten!

TELLER
Well, you must have decided to spend it, Mr...
(looks at screen)
Moloch.

XANDER
(aghast)
He’s in the bank!

INT. COMPUTER LAB - NIGHT

WILLOW is alone. She’s JACKED IN.

WILLOW
(typing furiously)
Delete. Search, user, Moloch. Delete. Hack. Bad command or...sheesh! This is too binary.

VOICE (O.S.)
Try this.

ANGLE: TO REVEAL

ANGEL, holding an all-important DISC. Willow startles, temporarily pausing in her FURIOUS TYPING.

WILLOW
Angel!
(looks at disc)
You have computer skills?

ANGEL
(shrugs)
It comes and goes.

INT. ARCADE - DAY

XANDER is playing a Mario derivative at one of the consoles. His score is at 2600.

XANDER
(pounding buttons furiously)
Come on high score, come on...yes!

Xander raises both FISTS in the air, proclaiming his TRIUMPH.

Suddenly the SCREEN blacks out, taking Xander’s HIGH SCORE with it. An 8-bit version of MOLOCH appears.

MOLOCH (speech bubble)
GAME OVER!

XANDER
(aghast)
He’s in the arcade!

INT. COMPUTER LAB - NIGHT

WILLOW is JACKED IN.

WILLOW
(typing furiously)
How did you delete that? I just saved it!
(beat)
I can’t believe it! He just deleted my -
(beat)
Ack! What’s he gonna delete next?!

Willow’s KEYBOARD vanishes from beneath her HANDS, interrupting her FURIOUS TYPING.

WILLOW
Oh, he is good.

INT. XANDER’S HOUSE - DAY

Xander’s DIGITAL WATCH beeps.

XANDER
Awwwww yeah! Time for SeaQuest, the deep sea vessel of awesome!

Xander turns on the TELEVISION. He’s AGHAST at what he sees.

XANDER
It’s fifteen minutes into the episode? But I set an alarm!

ANGLE: XANDER’S WATCH

Instead of a number display, the face simply reads, “LOL”.

XANDER
(really utterly aghast)
He’s in my...man. Cyberspace is deadly.

INT. COMPUTER LAB - NIGHT

WILLOW is sitting at a COMPUTER while BUFFY, XANDER, and GILES crowd around her. Willow is VAGUELY GESTURING at the space where her keyboard used to be.

WILLOW
I’ve been trying to modem the wire with a disconnect net number, but the virtual backup is too leet for the digital hackosphere of this coding wipe.

ANGLE: MONITOR

The screen BLACKS OUT. Text begins to appear. All GASP in unison.

MOLOCH (text)
How are you gentlemen.

BUFFY
You’ll never get away with this, Moloch!

MOLOCH (text)
You have no chance to -

The screen goes BLACK once more. All GASP.

WILLOW
What happened?

GILES
I cast a banishing spell.

WILLOW

BUFFY

XANDER

GILES
It’s right here in this book.

THE END.


Tags: character: ensemble, fanfiction, fic: btvs/ats
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